Let's talk body dysmorphia. It isn't always what you think.
When most people hear the term body dysmorphia, they think of someone who believes they’re overweight when they’re actually very thin. That’s the image media and pop culture have fed us for decades — often linking it directly with conditions like anorexia or other eating disorders. But body dysmorphia is much more complex than that. I know, because I live with it — and my experience is very different.
For me, body dysmorphia doesn’t mean seeing myself as too large. In fact, it’s often the opposite.
I look in the mirror and don’t fully grasp the reality of my size. I don’t see myself as big as I actually am and when I see a picture of me, I don't even recognize the person in it, because it's NOT how I see myself. For years, I've chalked it up to a bad picture angle or an unflattering outfit, refusing to face the reality that this is actually how everyone else sees me! I avoid being in pictures as much as possible, not because I don't like myself because I truly do LOVE myself, but because the person in the picture isn't me.....despite her being what everyone else sees on a daily basis. To ME, she isn't me. 
The selfie camera on my phone is deceiving! It thins the face, irons out the wrinkles, make me think that this is actually Me.....but it's not. It's the me "I" see, but not the me everyone else sees.Body dysmorphia isn't about being "too big" or "too small" — it’s about a distorted self-image, regardless of the direction.
In my case, it means underestimating my size. It means buying clothes that don’t fit, bumping into things because I don’t realize how much space I actually take up. It means being out of touch with my body’s actual needs, because I’m not seeing it clearly.
This version of body dysmorphia often goes unrecognized. There’s a kind of invisibility in not fitting the expected narrative. And that can make it harder to ask for help, harder to find support, and harder to accept your own experience as valid.
Instead, others view us as lazy or having food addictions. It comes with all sorts of baggage that others put on us, that we can't fully understand because we don't see the reality of our situation. Even when we see the numbers on the scale, it doesn't fully make sense to our brain OR we look at the number and think "oh, it's not that bad". I remember when I was pregnant with one of my kids and the doctor said "You hit a magic number." I was instantly going through all the important numbers of how many weeks pregnant was I? Was I in the 3rd trimester? Had I hit the middle point and it would all be smooth sailing now? NOPE! He went on to say "You hit 200 pounds!" WHAT? He then proceeded to tell me how I needed to slow down on the weight gain and change my diet. I didn't see 200 pounds when I looked in the mirror (and still don't) but those words have somewhat haunted me. I felt pretty. I felt pregnant. I felt like a superwoman!! But the scale said differently....or at least that's the way he made me feel. And those words have been in my mind ever since!
The internal conflict is real: how can you work on health, self-acceptance, or body positivity when your brain won’t let you see the truth? How can you become healthier when you don't see the unhealthy in you? When you are blinded to the reality of the situation your body is in? I look at other girls my size and think "wow, they've put on a few pounds" but I don't see that in myself, even though I have.
It’s taken me a long time to understand that this version of body dysmorphia is just as real and just as worthy of understanding. That I don’t have to wait until I see myself "right" to take care of myself. That I can still work on my health, my self-esteem, and my relationship with my body, even if my perception isn't always accurate.
Body dysmorphia doesn't come in one shape or size. It doesn't only affect people trying to get smaller. It affects people like me, too — who are struggling to see the full picture, in every sense of the word. If you’re living in this in-between place — where your body and your brain can’t quite agree — you’re not alone. And your experience deserves to be recognized, talked about, and supported.
I SEE YOU!!!! 
0 Comments