I read an article today written by Meghan Markle, Dutchess of Sussex, who suffered a miscarriage in July. In a world where up to 20% of women will suffer at least one, it's ok to talk about your pain and miscarriage. In fact, it's beneficial to talk about it, both to yourself and others. I've always been very vocal and open about mine! Just like Meghan, it was my second child. It was traumatic! It was scary, but somehow we had peace during it. One of the worst parts about that day is that it was Tim's birthday (which he shared with his Abuelita/Grandma). I was in a Catholic hospital and despite blood dripping off of the bed and literally into the hallway, pouring out of my body at high rates, the hospital wouldn't/couldn't do a D&C until they 'found tissue" to confirm I'd actually miscarried. They almost let me die on that bed in the ER that day. Several doctors stopped in thinking there was a major trauma or gunshot victim in my room. Finally, a beautiful Indian female doctor came in, gave me a little "wink" and said "I think we've found tissue. I'm sorry, but you have lost your baby". I know that as soon as they would get me "cleaned out", the cavity would fill up with blood so fast that they couldn't see anything. I KNOW the other doctor was getting frustrated because of not being able to follow protocol because of the way my body was reacting to this loss. And I KNOW this doctor didn't find any fetal tissue. But I also know that she was true to her Hippocratic Oath she'd taken and knew she was doing me harm by not getting me in to surgery.Tim and I cried and held each other for a few moments and suddenly a literal breeze came through the room and we were done crying. Our tears were dried. He looked at me and said "Ok, we keep moving forward". The peace in that moment was truly of Biblical proportions! "The peace that passes understanding!" In that moment, I truly knew what the verse meant. I had such a peace as they wheeled me to the OR to start the D&C. Don't' get me wrong, I was sad and nervous, but I was at peace with the situation.
I had eaten just a few hours before and so they couldn't put me under like they typically do. I heard all the sounds, smelled the smells, saw all the lights and heard the noises from all the machines. It was traumatic, and one that I feel (personally) that if women HAD to experience when they had an abortion, many wouldn't go through with it! Those memories in that room will live with me forever, more so than the pain of my miscarriage.
My body healed despite having a spinal headache that I thought would kill me for the following week. My memories and sadness faded. I've never had issues talking about that day or sharing with other women who are going through something similar. And 22 years later, I find myself hearing of other women's stories, feeling their grief and sadness as they navigate it alone. People didn't ask me if I was ok. Instead some of the comments were quite hurtful, unintentionally, but hurtful none the less. "You'll have another baby". "You got pregnant and carried a baby before. You'll do it again". "I just know that was my granddaughter". "You'll get through it. Thousands of women before you have!" "You're strong". Those aren't the words I needed. I needed to be simply asked "Are you ok?" or "What can I do for you?"
So I'm asking YOU....ARE YOU OK???
Have you had a miscarriage or other loss of a child in the past that you still struggle with? Is it still haunting you, creating painful memories that you are ready to let go of and heal through? I'm here for you! I've got big shoulders and am a good listening ear. ❤️ YOU ARE NOT ALONE! ❤️
Go read Meghan Markles words. Then open up and share your story! It may help someone else who is suffering alone in silence.
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